Dear Burke, All I Want for Christmas…

Dear Mr. Burke,

This year, I have been a good boy. I’ve eaten all my vegetables, I never once called for Ron Wilson to be fired, and I’ve respected the driver of any taxi I’ve hopped into. So, I’m hoping that you’ll find me deserving as I list off what I ask of you this holiday season.

First, I’d like you to ask Clarke MacArthur to shoot more. Of the Leafs’ top five goal scorers, ‘The General’ has taken the least amount of shots. In fact, his 50 shots are far behind the next guy, Nikolai Kulemin, who has 69. On top of that, MacArthur has by far the best shooting percentage of the group, with a wildly high 18.00% average. That’s second on the team; second only to Colton Orr’s incredible 22.22%. While you’re at it, ask Colton to shoot more too!

Second, I’d like Mike Brown back in the line up. I know he needs another 2 to 4 weeks to recover from the broken finger he suffered from blocking a shot from Tampa Bay’s Pavel Kubina, but I miss him, his relentless effort, and his incredible moustache dearly. Mike Brown and Colby Armstrong were brought in during the off-season to provide truculence in the bottom 6, but because of injuries, I’ve barely got to see them play together. Tell Mike Brown to throw a couple frozen waffles on that mangled digit and get back to the rink, quick time!

Third, and this might be a bit more difficult than the others but, can I get a trade? Last year around this time you managed to drop two of Toronto’s favorite whipping boys and bring in our eventual captain. Got any more of that holiday magic? This time around, look for someone who can put up some points. Not only are the Leafs 28th in the standings, but they’re also 28th in Goals For. It’s not hard to see the correlation there. Plus, if the Leafs were to put up some more goals, Jonas Gustavsson would be much less angry with the world. Seriously, he looks like he’s about to snap.

Lastly, and most importantly, I’ve been having some mad cravings for some Real Sports Nachos. Have you tried them yet? Gosh, I’m salivating just thinking of them. But remember Burkie, if you forget to add pulled pork to the order, so help me God, I will delete you so fast off my Facebook friends list it’ll make your head spin.

Anyways, I hope that’s not asking too much. Make sure you print this out so you don’t forget anything!

Happy Holidays big guy!

- Justin Fisher

Follow Justin on Twitter: @thejustinfisher